Things Fall Apart

Over the last four or five days the following have happened:

1. My computer speakers packed it in.
2. Two steps on the wooden staircase that leads to my flat collapsed.
3. The railing on said staircase fell off.
4. The adjustable strap on my favourite hat broke.
5. The drawstring in my favourite pair of tracksuit pants snapped.
6. And yesterday I broke my house key in the lock.

Yes, it has been a strange few days. Between chores, lesson plans, and my job I have been feeling the heat a little. Moreover, I have had to have some work done to my car. Car problems, and the mere thought that I might not have my own transport, is a big source of grief for me. This comfortable routine that I have constructed over the past few months would come crashing down around my ears. It gets worse. A couple of nights ago, during one of the colder evenings we have had here in Mexico, I had a dream. I was babysitting my friend's daughter, she caught cold and she died. Nightmares are unusual for me. Although I had the presence of mind to know I was dreaming it still left a sick feeling in my stomach.

Anyway, I know I am letting 'stuff' worry me and that I should make a decision to be peaceful and optimistic because, fuck, I am only going to get older if I wait for the world to change. People believe that their stuff - their career, their car, their house, their business, their toys - is what will make them secure, happy and peaceful. I used to believe that as well and I still depend on my things. However, the truth is that everything you own is something you have to take care of. Everything that you own is something you have to maintain and something that will, eventually, stop working.

I must stop this post if only because it is well past my bedtime. But, if you can bear it, here is a quote from The Gospel of Matthew. I am glad that as a Christian I have these words to fall back on:

“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

...do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’

For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Matthew (7:25-26, 31-34)

...and stuff.

I had a couple of ideas for my blog this afternoon but everything seemed like contrived BS when I wrote it down. I like to plan ahead with my blog but, I don't know, today it feels silly having to make up an excuse to write. So, in lieu of something edifying and genuine, here is a conversation you and I might have if we met face to face.

Hey. How's it going.

Yeah, I'm alright. Busy with lesson plans and stuff.

I won't presume to speak for you; feel free to fill in the gap. I have been busy writing lesson plans. I have also been reading a John Marsden book and there was a particular passage that caught my eye. This novel is about two teenage girls who have become pen pals.

"And these letters, it's funny, they're different. It's a different type of friendship. In a way I hope we never meet - it might spoil it. Somehow these letters are like a diary, and I write things in them that are different to the way I talk to people I see every day. So if we meet, or when we meet, it's like we'll have to start one type of friendship when we've already got another one. It's like we'd be starting from scratch when we'd already been going a hundred years. I don't know how it'd work."

(Please don't sue me Mr Marsden)

Well, there is neither rhyme nor reason for this post. I just wanted to let you know that even though I am working hard I am still thinking about you, out there in blogworld, and loitering in and around your webspace when I get the time. I was worried that you might have forgotten about me.